Fuzzy Golf

     Like many aspiring golfers, my leisure time hiking on the links is limited by two hyperactive balls of energy generally known as children. To keep my golf game active, I took to hitting little plastic balls around the yard..., but the solid impact of a well executed shot just isn't there. After sending several dozen plastic balls into the bushes to mulch for the next few eons, I found myself looking for something more substantial to swing at.

     I got out the real balls and chipped around a bit. I did notice the proficiency of my chipping game increased but, like a bird stuck on the ground, so did my level of boredom. I took to popping the dandelions out of the lawn with a sand wedge... but ran out of dandelions. It was time to rummage through the storage room in search of a hidden treasure. My wife thought I might actually be tackling the negative entropy that lives in most storage facilities. Bingo, there it was - a box of old tennis balls. The dawn of a new variation of distraction -- Fuzzy Golf. My daughter coined the term when I told her was going outside to practice -- "Are you hitting the fuzzy balls Daddy?".

     The fuzzy balls are indeed the most important part of the game. The best ones I are 1970's vintage, about as lively as an over ripe tomato. I soon discovered the fine points of proper handicapping to stay within the confines of my oversized yard. Fuzzy balls have a bounce factor and a fuzz factor. A fresh ball with its good bounce and tight fuzz travels further and straighter than a soft vintage ball with lots of fuzz. Most vintage balls are slugs off the tee and have lots of fuzz for hooks and slices. Fuzzy Golf has the intriguing option of handicapping by the fuzz and bounce factors. My brother, a novice, gets a ball fresh from the can while I use a vintage ball to handicap my longer more experienced game..

     How far can you hit a fuzzy ball? I find a good solid hit of a flat ball with a 3 wood goes about 120 feet; a nine iron goes about 70 feet; my two iron goes nowhere. This roughly converts to about 6 times less distance than my real game. Fresh balls go about 20% further. You can get a fair degree of hooking and slicing with a fuzzy ball. The large ball gives a better feeling for how to actually control the mystic art of slicing and hooking a real golf ball.

     You might think that hitting a tennis ball would be easier than hitting a golf ball. If anything, a properly aged fuzzy ball is more elusive because it has a small soft sweet spot just below the center. This translates to lining the ball up an inch or two behind where a real golf ball would be placed.  This has resulted in a little known secret of adjusting one's golf games to aiming to hit through the ball to front of the ball, ignore the back of the ball.  

     It takes lots of concentration to hit a fuzzy ball effectively. If you top a fuzzy ball, instead of burning a 100 yard worm track, the ball squashes under the club, squirts up in the air and comes to rest a few feet from where it started. If you hit it 'fat', the club slides under the ball, which pops up and forward all of ten feet.

     How does it feel to hit a fuzzy ball solidly? Great! The ball stays on the club longer so you get a big feel for solid impact that lingers like vintage wine in one's sensory network. While not an expert by any means, the basics of good golf seem to apply to fuzzy golf. A relaxed swing hits the ball much farther and more consistently than a tense baseball type blast. With the fuzzy ball weighing more than a golf ball, off-balance hits or those that lack proper body movement, feel doubly awkward.

     Perhaps the nicest part of Fuzzy Golf is how nine holes takes about twenty minutes.. A full round can take less than a hour (with no waiting for the fivesome on valium ahead of you). There are no restrictions on beer on the course and the club house is always nearby.  And last but not least, my regular game seems to have gotten better (or no worse) since I can play whenever I want.  The primary difference is adjusting the sweet spot and one's short game to a different length. If anything, hitting a fuzzy ball in four inch rough gives one confidence in hitting a real ball in most any situation.

     Actually, the best thing about Fuzzy Golf is coming back into the house after a full 18 holes to a wife who has had a few precious moments to rejuvenate herself while I 'watched' the kids. Compare that with the looks you get after five or six hours at the local links!